Monday, June 8, 2009

Growing Pains

There's trouble in Paradise. I'm not going to go into all the details in this public forum (although some of you may have read my middle-of-the-night post a couple of weeks ago, the one I thought better of the next morning and deleted, and I thank those of you who contacted me personally for your supportive, encouraging responses). But our cookie is starting to crumble. As I suspected, the seven of us are finding it challenging to blissfully co-exist in a 1600 square foot home with two dogs and 50-odd piano students and their families. It was bearable at first, because we believed it was a temporary situation. My worst-case-scenario was that we would have to wait until the summer to move. Well, school is out and summer is upon us, and we are stuck right where we are. John is still making payments on his house in New York, he still isn't working, and he and his ex are still trying to hash out the terms of their separation agreement--which had to be revised when he made the decision to move with the kids to Georgia. The kids are fighting, the dogs are fighting, and John and I are endlessly racking our brains trying to figure out how to make things work better for everyone.

We all get a temporary reprieve beginning on Saturday, when John's three kids leave for five weeks with their mother in New York. Just yesterday, John and I came up ideas for a few changes we can make which will help eliminate at least a couple of the biggest sources of conflict in the house. I am excited about that. And I have just three weeks of full-time lessons left to teach before my summer schedule begins. It looks like I will be teaching only one day a week in July, which will leave me with the time I need to tear through the house and rearrange and de-clutter (and paint those interior doors that I had installed FOUR YEARS AGO). I haven't figured out how I am going to pay my bills in July. I finished Financial Peace University just last night (I have the certificate to prove it) so I am determined not to use credit cards. But for now, I'm going to focus on what I CAN do--and do it.

Anyway, this situation I am in is forcing me to re-think EVERYTHING. I will turn 50 in August (I hate to admit it) but I have determined that my 50's is going to be my most exciting, creative, productive decade to date. I am starting with a renewed commitment to daily exercise and healthy diet; taking better care of myself is the foundation. But there are three additional areas that I am determined to make time for. I have finished my first online writing class, and with my instructor's encouragement, I am going to write that novel. I attended a workshop on piano improvisation and composition on Saturday; I know what to do, so I am going to make time to practice playing jazz and blues and write my own music. And I am going to get to started on all the artsy projects that are swimming around in my head--beautiful things I want to make with beads and yarn and fabric. The work starts TODAY. I will keep you posted on my progress.




4 comments:

eric said...

You are so awesome. Just sayin'.

Cheryl said...

I have faith that you will work through the obstacles and come out the other side a happier, better person. You amaze me.

Carley said...

I am praying for you that God will lead, guide, and direct and give you the wisdom to make the right decision for your future and your happiness as He knows what is in our future and how much earthly future we have left. God blessed you with such super intelligence and you are so very talented that I have faith that you will fulfill whatever purpose God has in mind for your life by seeking his guidance as you arrive at a decision that will leave you with such a unexplainable peace that you will know that God has directed you.
I love you and my prayers are with you,
Mom

John said...

Pam,
You are an amazing, wonderful, generous person. My favorite! I know that the other folks are also very cool and your fiance loves you very much. I'm sure you'll all work it out and live happily ever after and also find the peace which Carley spoke of.