Monday, January 18, 2010

Living Well is the Best Revenge

I had a great weekend. Saturday I went to the first meeting of the Georgia Romance Writers for 2010. The local chapter of Romance Writers of America, GRW is made up of approximately two hundred serious, professional writers, nearly ONE-THIRD of whom are multi-published in book length fiction.

ONE-THIRD! I am hoping that some of that success is contagious.

I attended my first GRW meeting on my fiftieth birthday, in August. And it was more than a little bit intimidating to walk into that big room, filled with successful people who asked questions like, "So, what genre do you write?" and "What are you working on?" when I had hardly done anything at all. But they took me seriously anyway--the environment was unbelievably supportive--and the next thing I knew, it was October and I was at the Atlanta Moonlight & Magnolias Conference, the highlight of the GRW programming year, rubbing shoulders and attending workshops with successful writers who made me feel like I was ONE OF THEM! So the meeting Saturday was just what I needed to help me set some goals for my writing in 2010. The next ten thousand words of my novel is due next Wednesday for my online writing class; as soon as that is done, I am going to polish up my synopsis and the first twenty-five pages of my manuscript and submit it before the February 20th deadline for participation in the March critique workshop. And I am already looking forward to an all-day workshop in April and the 2011 Moonlight & Magnolias Conference in the fall.

I also had three dates over the weekend.

I saw Bachelor Number One on Friday night. Let's call him Dave. We saw the movie Up In The Air (five stars, and not just because of George Clooney), ate Mexican food at Del Rio in Dacula, and did a little dancing at 37 Main in Buford. Dave is becoming an item; I met him before the holidays, and will definitely see him again.

I met Bachelor Number Two for lunch at Johnny Carino's in Duluth after the GRW meeting on Saturday. We'll call him Jerry. Both the food and the conversation were superb, and we have made tentative plans for Friday night.

Finally, I met Bachelor Number Three for coffee at Starbucks at Medlock Crossing on my way to pick Nathan up from an overnighter at his dad's house. Bill, as I like to refer to him, was cute and funny, and he also wants to see me again.

Now, since I had three dates over the weekend, I have been accused of being a "player." I'm not even sure what that means. Because since I joined eHarmony the end of November, I have had face-to-face meetings with exactly five fellows, and two of them wanted to have nothing to do with me after our initial rendezvous. That's a FORTY PERCENT fail rate. Let me tell you, that does wonders for a girl's self-esteem!

Is it the extra ten pounds? Is it the cellulite? Is it that I am too old to bear children? Is it the crow's feet? Is it the new haircut?

The thing is, these guys weren't exactly George Clooney. So I don't know why I even care.

Except that, post-divorce, I was rejected early on by a guy because I wasn't as "slim and slender" as he initially thought--even though, at five foot two and just over one hundred pounds, I was clinically underweight. If I had been in my right mind, I would have laughed as I waved goodbye. Instead, I spent an embarrassingly long time in a relationship with him. Was it because he confirmed what I believed about myself, deep down inside? Because at that time, despite appearances to the contrary, I still felt like the overweight teenager I was in high school.

I was the girl who didn't have a date to the prom.

Well, I have decided I am not going to spend another minute trying to be who somebody else wants me to be. I am tired of looking at life as a struggle not to gain weight and an effort to live up to the impossible standards of the rich and famous (who may or may not look any better first thing in the morning than I do).

I am going to be my imperfect self and live my life and write my novel, and if anyone has the good sense to see the beauty inside this decrepit shell, then good for them. If not, then so be it.


Carley said...

Remember it's beauty from within that really counts. In your case you have both & would measure up to anyone in either contest. Our eternal happiness is the most important facet to be concerned with & if there is someone out there that God knows merits you, then I pray that he crosses your path, if not then I pray that you don't get connected with someone that is not deserving of you. As my mother used to say, "Unhappiness with a wrong mate can be worse than loneliness by ones self."
Take care & trust in God and just pray that His Will be done in all things. I love you!

Debra Becht said...

Look at you go with your 2010 life! Oh such a thing of beauty you are. Anyone that has ever truly known you for more than a day knows that you are incredible inside and out. I can attest to that from when you were that high school girl without a prom date. And why do you suppose women measure their high school worth against prom dates. I shall ponder that another day. Today, I celebrate the you...the real you that has always been practically perfect in every way.
Sorry..felt like quoting Mary Poppins!

Carol Burnside said...

You're fabulous, as is your haircut, so if there's a deficit somewhere, it's with the man, honey.

Pam said...

Thanks to all of you. I am going to remember your comments the next time some dude leaves me feeling off-balance. :-)