I have been in a handful of serious relationships since I divorced from my husband of 19 years in May 2001. For various reasons, each ended rather badly. I haven't completely written off the man I have been with the past few months, but he is newly divorced and, at least for now, unable or unwilling to give me what I need. So I guess that means I am still looking.
Or, at least, I'm not NOT looking.
* * *
From a recent issue of Oprah magazine:
"Jackie Scheller, now 46, was 'divorced and content with being single' when she read about a woman who wrote down 100 things she wanted in a man and five years later found her dream guy. Jackie decided to do the same thing... Nine months later, she met Chris Gilliam, now 40, at a senior citizens' dance, of all places... 'Chris has every quality I wanted but is much more,' says Jackie. The couple married last December."
So I decided to come up with my own list of things I want in a man. It took several attempts, but I finally came up with 100. You may laugh at some of them, but I no longer take ANYTHING for granted.
Here they are, in no particular order.
My ideal partner:
1. Has a great sense of humor, but know when to be serious.
2. Has a nice smile.
3. Makes eye contact.
4. Eats healthy/is not a picky eater.
5. Exercises regularly, but not fanatically.
6. Has steady employment.
7. Likes animals.
8. Expresses affection easily.
9. Likes travel (especially cruising).
10. Likes to try new things (food, places, experiences).
11. Enjoys reading.
12. Appreciates good music.
13. Is college educated.
14. Likes to dance.
15. Is a non-smoker.
16. Drinks responsibly.
17. Has good communication skills.
18. Knows how to dress for the occasion.
19. Has good personal hygiene.
20. Likes children, especially MY children.
21. Is emotionally mature, present and stable.
22. Is financially secure.
23. Is capable of making a commitment.
24. Has a variety of interests.
25. Is open-minded and non-judgmental of others: not a racist, a bigot, or homophobic.
26. Is faithful to me.
27. Takes an active interest in the well-being of the planet.
28. Treats others with respect.
29. Tips generously.
30. Does not do illegal drugs.
31. Is not jealous of the time I spend with girlfriends.
32. Is tall.
33. Is confident and self-assured.
34. Is not vain, arrogant or conceited.
35. Asks me how I'm doing and sincerely listens to my answer.
36. Compliments me generously, especially when I have made a special effort to look nice.
37. Has goals and dreams and the drive to achieve them.
38. Knows how to do basic household chores.
39. Is interested in culture.
40. Doesn't keep me awake snoring.
41. Believes in doing the right thing.
42. Tells the truth.
43. Enjoys spending time with me.
44. Surprises me and likes being surprised.
45. Does not have a hot temper.
46. Does not think it's okay to hit someone - ever.
47. Is not verbally abusive.
48. Has developed a personal philosophy.
49. Understands that my children come first.
50. Gets more satisfaction than dissatisfaction from his job.
51. Is intelligent.
52. Is street smart.
53. Does not have friends of the opposite sex who are more than friends.
54. Has never been convicted of a felony.
55. Trusts me.
56. Does not withhold affection when he is upset.
57. Is okay with my independence as well as my occasional neediness.
58. Brings me flowers and candy for no reason.
59. Stands up for me when I am maligned and asks questions later.
60. Understands the value of play.
61. Smells good.
62. Misses me when we are apart.
63. Has a great speaking voice.
64. Tells me he loves me. Often.
65. Has his own group of friends.
66. Has his own interests that don't have to be the same as mine.
67. Is aware of pop culture and understands pop culture references.
68. Is young enough to keep up with me but old enough to have acquired some wisdom.
69. Is not condescending or patronizing.
70. Knows how to cook.
71. Is not argumentative, but is capable of healthy discussion/debate when we disagree on things.
72. Gets along with my friends and family.
73. Welcomes me into his family.
74. Has good table manners.
75. Has a good grasp of grammar.
76. Sees his glass as half-full.
77. Picks up after himself.
78. Knows more about cars than I do.
79. Can fix things.
80. Enjoys yard work.
81. Does not have a serious mental illness.
82. Is capable of sharing his feelings.
83. Is quick to forgive.
84. Is quick to sincerely apologize.
85. Is proud of me in public.
86. Can handle idiosyncratic behavior (for example, I am a pescetarian for the most part, but I love hot wings. And bacon.)
87. Is not overly materialistic but takes care of his physical needs.
88. Is independent as opposed to tied to a group of friends; is comfortable being alone or just with me a good deal of the time.
89. Enjoys going out with a group of people sometimes.
90. Is a good listener.
91. Thinks I am beautiful on the outside.
92. Thinks I am beautiful on the inside.
93. Understands that most things are not a big deal.
94. Is a safe driver.
95. Doesn't take unnecessary risks.
96. Understands the value of social networking.
97. Knows how to use a cell phone.
98. Is willing to make plans.
99. Is capable of being flexible when the circumstances warrant it.
100. Takes care of me when I am sick.
* * *
There are actually nine more, but since this blog is rated for general audiences, I am not including them on this list. If you are over 21, feel free to email me and I will share them with you. Unless you are my mom or dad. Or my brother.
What do you think? Am I asking for too much?