Friday, March 18, 2011

Where I've Been, Where I'm Headed

I felt nostalgic yesterday. It was St. Patrick's Day, and I looked back fondly on last year's celebration, a wild night of debauchery with one of the bachelors from the past. Ha! But there was sadness mixed with the happiness. Sadness about what might have been and never will be. Happiness about the unexpected twists and turns my life has taken since then and all the possibilities the future holds.

***

It has been one of those weeks. Yesterday, Casey was in an auto accident and totaled his car - the one we have no collision insurance on. But all I can do is be thankful that no one was hurt. Meanwhile, Nathan turned fifteen and got his learner's permit this afternoon. Now I have three young men out on the roads of Atlanta. It is hard not to worry.

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorry. It only saps today of its joy."
~Leo Buscaglia

***

This time last year I was playing the "dating game" and fighting illness. Now, as I approach the ten-year anniversary of my divorce, I am single and healthy. I am doing work that I love and embracing friendships and projects that I cherish.

I've come a long way, baby.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed. But I stumbled upon a couple of great blog posts this week.

First, this one, about how bloggers engage community. I would love to develop a community. Of women in the throes of reinvention. Because I know I'm not the only one. Maybe I will even inspire someone to get out of her comfort zone and be the person she's always dreamed of being, do the work she's always dreamed of doing. There's no time like the present.

Second, this one, a piece of "narrative nonfiction." I had never heard that term before. But I think it's possible that's what I'm meant to write. I have been making a big effort to be a fiction writer. But on the heels of rejection, I am experiencing a crisis of confidence. Maybe I don't have what it takes to write the great American novel. My strength has always been writing nonfiction - clear, concise prose that requires very little editing - as opposed to fiction, which I can't seem to get right, no matter how hard I try.

I have so many stories to tell. I just have to figure out how best to tell them.

Readers, talk to me. We're all in this together.

4 comments:

Tami Brothers said...

You are doing great, Pam. And I totally think you are creating that community.

I once coveted those little groups you see at GRW where they are always going to the beach to write or traveling to a conference together. I coveted them, looking in from the outside, wondering how to get in. Then it hit me. Sometimes you just have to make your own "community". That's where I got the idea for the PF&HTs group. And it has grown into exactly what I had wanted with even more potential.

I can totally see you on this same path. Eventually, it will all be as you want it to be.

Sorry about the accident and stress about the other. I hear exactly where you are coming from. Just think, one day they will be older and on their own AND they will be worrying about you. Then you can really mess with them.

Have a great weekend.

Tami

Pam said...

I think you are right, Tami. And it requires being pro-active as opposed to re-active. I am so happy to be a part of PFHT. I have forged some amazing friendships through GRW. My plan is to simply stay on the path. I'm sure I'll find my way. And my kids have promised to find a nice nursing home for me when the time comes. ;-) Thanks for your encouragement.

Julee said...

Pam-we are "hubs," pulling together diverse groups of people. I'm proud of how far you've come, but where the h*ll do you get off thinking you should give up on romance AND romantic fiction? That's not the fierce woman you've become. BTW, I've been writing over twenty years and I'm still not there yet. Keep up with the writing, fiction and non-fiction. It's just not ready. Yet.

Pam said...

You're right, Julee. I'm chalking it up to a rough week; I'm already back to work. Thanks for the words of encouragement.