Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Clearing the Cobwebs

It all started over spring break. I transformed the big room downstairs into a completely different kind of space; instead of being "just" a piano studio, it is my creative haven now. In the process, I purged boxes of books, bags of trash, and craft supplies I will never use, leaving behind only the items I truly want and need, taking time to organize them carefully. Now, whether I am teaching, beading, sewing, or writing, I am nurtured by my surroundings: the purple walls, the inspirational quotes, the jewelry-making ideas tacked to my bulletin board. And when I need a particular book or craft supply, I can quickly find it, as there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. It feels good. It feels RIGHT.

Now I am doing the same thing with my personal life. For example, I recently ended a several-month relationship that simply wasn't working for me anymore. The truth is, it never did, but I am queen of making the best of a bad situation. Now that it is over, I feel nothing but relief, so I know I made the right decision. I am sleeping better; I am more productive. I am healthier, physically and emotionally. I feel good. I feel RIGHT.

No longer committed to a doomed relationship, I am once again open to new possibilities. But I am feeling a wee bit protective of myself. I have been hurt one too many times; my heart is a bit guarded. Friday night, I turned down a date including a handsome guy, a limousine, a nice dinner and dancing. I decided I would rather stay home and catch up on some reading, writing and television. It felt good. It felt RIGHT.

Today, on the other hand, I have a lunch date with a new guy. There is no fear. Only excitement. It feels good. It feels RIGHT.

I don't really believe in astrology, but I find it interesting. My horoscope today said this:

This period is about keeping your distance and putting your relationships into perspective to see what they're really worth to you, Leo.

Which is exactly what I believe I need to be doing right now.

My horoscope yesterday said this:

You could receive some sort of windfall today, Leo. Use it wisely. Consider buying some time to figure out what you want to do with your life. It's likely that your career isn't exactly ringing your bells these days. You're ready for new challenges and opportunities. Meditate on what would make you happy and then take a systematic approach to achieving it.

Which made me think somebody has been peeking into my windows. Unfortunately, the windfall didn't happen - unless you count a late tuition payment from a piano student as a windfall. I used it to buy groceries instead of time. But I am working diligently on the rest.

Fearless and free. That's who I want to be.


Melissa Marsh said...

Good for you!!! I'm so glad you're achieving so many good, positive things in your life. I'm excited for your lunch date and hope it goes VERY well. Have a great time!

Charlee said...

Well done! I would love a space like that and good luck with your date!

On a side note i had real trouble publishing a comment on here this was going to be my last try. It kept just ignoring me :(

Unless you now have a load of blank comments from me...

Anne R. Allen said...

I've had to do some spring cleaning of relationships myself, so I totally relate. I've decided life's too short to try to please unpleasable people. Whiny, self-absorbed people who bully me with their self-pity are not getting their calls returned. After a few pangs of guilt, I realize I feel lighter, freer and happier than I have in years.

Have a great date!

Pam Asberry said...

Thanks, Melissa. Lunch was fabulous; I will definitely see this fellow again. But I'm going to hang onto my heart for a while.

Pam Asberry said...

Charlee, I am sorry you had trouble publishing your comment. I have no idea why. But I am glad you persevered and hope you will come back and visit again soon!

Pam Asberry said...

You are so right, Anne. Sometimes it is unbearably hard to let go, although in retrospect you have no idea why. I think that light, breezy feeling is a sure sign you have made the right decision for you. We need to learn to trust our instincts, once and for all. Good luck to you on your journey!

Julee J. Adams said...

I am all kinds of happy for you that you're finding yourself in the best place for YOU. I'm a firm believer that God will talk to us in whatever way we'll listen and I've had more than one weirdly appropriate message in my horoscope. Enjoy it. There's no rush. Enjoy yourself and your life. Only then is it a good time to open yourself to others.

Pam Asberry said...

You are absolutely right, Julee; I am truly having the time of my life right now. And since I plan on living to be at least 120, there really is no rush!

S.M. Carrière said...

Trusting yourself is so, so, SO important!

Well done you!

Pam Asberry said...

I think I'm going to make signs that say "Trust your gut" and post them all over my house, S.M.!