Sunday, February 12, 2012

Online Dating 101

Dear HotStuff69,

Thank you so much for your response to my profile here on SharksAreEverywhereDotCom. For the record, though, my name is "Pam." Not "Sexy" or "Hottie" or even "Sweetheart" or "Beautiful." I'm not a MILF or a cougar and I don't date guys younger than my firstborn son. And those two boys who still live with me? They're non-negotiable.

Of course I will be happy to tell you a little bit more about myself - just not my weight, or my bra size, or what style panties I prefer. Nor am I ready to discuss my favorite sexual positions, what turns me on in bed, or my wildest fantasies. In case you're wondering, I'm not interested in a threesome. And if I eventually share my cell phone number with you, please don't send me a picture of Wee Willie Winkie, okay? Because if you do, I will delete it and block your phone number.

What would I like to know about you? Your hopes. Your dreams. Your proudest moments. Your fears and failures. Yes, I would be lying if I said I don't care what you look like; I understand there has to be physical attraction. But I have loved men of many sizes and physical descriptions; my only requirements are that you practice good dental hygiene and have a reasonable commitment to health and overall fitness. No, French fries and ketchup are not vegetables and running to the bathroom in between innings doesn't count as exercise.

And I don't date smokers. Sorry.

I guess that's it for now. I have learned the hard way that "Long-Term Relationship" and "Intimate Encounter" mean two diametrically opposed things, at least on this website. Which means, I guess, that what I am really looking for is an intimate encounter that will last me the rest of my life. If you can wrap your brain around that, I would love to hear from you again.




Denise said...

Preach it.

Pam Asberry said...

Share the gospel, Denise. :-)

Anonymous said...

Love the "New Format," It's positively positive - like you! Happy Valentime

S.M. Carrière said...

Ah hah hah hah hah! And that is why I gave up internet dating (that and a couple of really awful, awful dates!)!

Go you, Pam! Don't take rubbish from anyone!

Pam Asberry said...

Thanks, Anonymous! I like it, too; it's cleaner and simpler. Happy Valentine to you as well!

Pam Asberry said...

It sure is a tough world out there, S.M.! I have given up for the most part, but every now and then I have a moment - usually late at night after a couple of glasses of wine - and I activate a profile somewhere. It's usually only a matter of a few hours before I remember why I hate online dating. Next time I get the wild hair, I think I will read this blog post, LOL!

janetburden said...

I love this post, Pam! I have been there and can totally relate to everything you said!
As a woman who is living her "happily ever after", I can tell you it is worth the wait for the right one. I once told my daughters, the perfect man is one who gives you diamond earrings for your birthday and you haven't slept with him and have not promised to do so ever; true story from my last birthday!
You will find that perfect man with a heart that matches your heart perfectly. You deserve it!
Love you!

Pam Asberry said...

I am truly happy for you, Janet, and I love the thought of finding someone whose heart matches mine! Thanks for your vote of confidence! :-)

Julee J. Adams said...

Have a super day tomorrow, just for yourself! Don't bother yourself with the unworthy goobs--they are not worthy of your time. You've got it right. Patience.

Pam Asberry said...

Julee, I started the day going to the doctor for some bloodwork; it can only get better, right? ;-) Happy Valentine's Day to you and Chris!

Dan said...

Ok... so "Sexy," "Hottie," "Sweetheart," etc... are not your name. Cute that this idiot of minor intelligence has at least grasped part of your character even if not you actual name. No... you shouldn't date or even have relationships of any sort with someone of that much younger of an age. If for no other reason than because they can't live up to their own hype. They just don't have the experience.

Loved your sense of humor on this. Very nice.

Also loved your description of what you want. You ARE looking for the right thing. That's good. Do it right. Cut to the chase. Eliminate the ones that have no chance and do it quickly. Saves heartache.

Your very picture tells a lot about you. Attractive, NOT overweight, and a classy dresser as well.

ALL guys think (talk) that they are bigger than what they are. And if one starts talking about girth.... run. It's going to be on the short side of average to be sure.

True love truly is not about the outward appearance. It's not about money. It's really not about a lot of things. I think you are on the right track. Keep going. And if you never find "the one" then feel good that you have traveled well. Love who you can along the way. And take what love is given. You should relish all you can receive from what ever source. You are worth it.

Pam Asberry said...

Thanks, Dan. I know you've lived it, and I am glad you found your queen. You're right; I might never be so lucky, but I am living loud in the meantime.