Thursday, April 12, 2012

Staring Down the Wolves

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it, and you have the power to revoke it at any moment.
~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

During the last few weeks of my pregnancy with Mackenzie, I had a recurring nightmare. I dreamt that I was in a vast, empty room being hurled to and fro through space like a human bouncy ball, close call after close call with the walls, ceiling and floor, magically veering just in the nick of time and avoiding collision, injury and pain. It was a terrifying and exhausting.

Well, I'm feeling like a human bouncy ball once again. When I posted THIS a couple of weeks ago, I thought the worst was behind me. Granted, we're not facing tragedy. The illnesses and injuries have been relatively minor; the house is still standing; there is food in the pantry. Still, chaos and calamity remain in hot pursuit, wolves nipping at my heels, keeping me running scared.

But there's no use trying to escape; I must confront those hungry beasts before they completely rob me of my dreams. Things break down, our children make poor choices, Uncle Sam comes to collect what we owe. We can let these situations derail us or we can deal with them and move on.

Towards that end, I have put together a short list of goals - for this blog, for my writing, for my Etsy store, for my music and teaching, for my home and family. These are small things, realistic and achievable, but maybe checking those items off every day, one by one, will help wash away my feelings of helplessness and restore my sense of personal power.

And the wolves will tuck their tails between their legs and slink off in defeat.

6 comments:

Leslie K. said...

So sorry that things have been so tough lately. I admire your resilience!

Libby said...

I am so happy you made a list of realistic and achievable goals. Realism is a huge part of achieving your dreams, no matter how wrong that sounds.

Pam Asberry said...

Thanks, Leslie. I'm doing my best.

Pam Asberry said...

You are right, Libby; I feel like I am in recovery mode, and am deliberately setting my sights low in the hope that success will breed success. At this point, I have no choice but to be realistic. Thank you for your encouragement!

S.M. Carrière said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I know you'll pull through, though. You're such a light. Never forget that!

Hugs!

Pam Asberry said...

Who, me? What would I do without you, S.M.?