Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Optimism

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.
~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I have learned more about myself in the past ten weeks than I have in the almost eleven years since my divorce.

(As a matter of fact, if I had stayed married, today would have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary.)

I have had great news; I have had devastating news. I have been high; I have been low. I have been in the darkest of dark places; I have sought easy answers, easy outs.

I am still here.

My kids have struggled through some hard times; we have dealt with it. I have been on some of the worst dates of my entire single life; I have been on the BEST date of my entire single life. I have been treated like a prostitute; I had a man cook dinner for me and hand feed me cheese and crackers during the appetizer course. Just because he wanted to.

Life is full of little surprises. Sometimes they're even nice.

What I see clearly is that it isn't about the 100 things I want in a man. Even though I have reason to believe there might actually might be at least one guy out there who possesses every quality I have been seeking.

It's about ME. It's about finding someone who can accept me just as I am.

Flawed. Intense. Conflicted. Generous. Passionate. Burdened.

Optimistic.

I have seen a glimpse of what is possible and I am forever changed.

18 comments:

karenwarewrites said...

Beautiful post, Pam! I can definitely see that life is going your way these days. And I love this quote from your post (may have to borrow it to post on my office wall for inspiration):

"I have seen a glimpse of what is possible and I am forever changed."

Wishing you the very, very best life is offering you...

Julee J. Adams said...

W00t!!! You don't have to be perfect. The person you love will not be perfect. But, keep your sense of humor and perspective. You have to kiss a lot of frogs, right? Enjoy the ride. The tough times make us appreciate those good times. Let us know how things are going, OK?

Pam Asberry said...

Borrow away, Karen. :-)

And I wish you all the same...

Pam Asberry said...

I have kissed too many frogs already, Julee. My sense of humor and perspective are nearly gone. I will keep you posted...

Denise Stewart said...

Stay in this place. It's good.

Anonymous said...

Question for you-if you have met and been with the man that possesses all the qualities you desire, why aren't you with this man? Just askin and just sayin' :)

Natalie said...

I'm so happy for you. We all have to remember that it's not about what we want, but about who loves us.

Pam Asberry said...

I'm hanging in there, Denise...

Pam Asberry said...

Because, Anonymous, the decision isn't mine to make alone. We are just getting to know one another. It remains to be seen how it will play out.

Pam Asberry said...

Wise words, Natalie. I will remember.

S.M. Carrière said...

A lovely post, Pam. It's a pleasure to watch the butterfly uncurl...

Pam Asberry said...

Thank you, S.M. It feels good to break out of the cocoon. :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh good, I thought that the guy you were speaking of was in your past, and I was really hoping there was someone new on the horizon. <3

Pam Asberry said...

Anonymous, my fingers are crossed but my eyes are wide open.

Carol Burnside aka Annie Rayburn said...

Love your last comment to Anonymous. Perfect.

As for your traits, you left something out: loveable

Have a great hump day tomorrow!

Pam Asberry said...

Carol, thank you for that. I certainly like to think so. :-) Happy Wednesday to you, too!

Tracy Makara said...

I am so glad that you've gotten the glimpse! It hasn't yet happened with me, but there is always hope. In the meantime...I have learned to embrace and appreciate being single. I've gotten to that point that you wrote so well...wanting a person who accepts me as I am. That's what it really is about isn't it? Great post. Wishing you many more glimpses. :)

Pam Asberry said...

Yes, Tracy, there IS hope! And it sounds like you are already wise enough to choose going solo over wasting a single precious moment of your life on a guy who doesn't treat you exactly the way you deserve to be treated. I think it's only after we reach that point that the magic can happen. Keep me posted. :-)